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Post by luckyhope on Mar 2, 2012 13:08:10 GMT
Ok so I've had this phobia of smelling bad for 6 yrs. Recently I started to go out and these are the reactions I'm getting.
When people even children walk pass me they dont do or say a thing.
One day my 7 yr old neice came over and I hadn't taken a bath yet. She rested her head on my lap to play with the dog. Left it there for a little while and didn't say a thing.
Whenever people come over and see me(they havent seen me in a while) they give me a big hug. For a long time. They dont look away or cough.
But people do look at me( just men) and they stare.
Everyone tells me I dont smell and they try to relate my smell to a loved one. Like my brother came over and he said his girl has a vaginal and underarm odor. Then I asked him to describe how she smells and he said natural like juice and berries.
What would you think of that? Do I smell or not. No one has ever said I smell but I fear about it.
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Post by Guest on Mar 2, 2012 17:55:29 GMT
It does not sound to me that you smell. I didn't see one thing in that post that would tell me you smell. As a matter of fact, it is evidence that you don't. Why do you fear that you do?
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Post by luckyhope on Mar 2, 2012 18:09:37 GMT
because a long time ago a girl said my breath stinks and I had a nervous breakdown. From then on i became obsessed with my breath. I went on a few forums to see what to do and I found something about bad breath and body odor. From then on I started to worry about my body odor too.
I went out with my sister and me her and her boyfriend were in the car. They had their windows down but it was like 75 degrees today. They smoked cigarettes the whole time but never coughed or said something smells and i hadnt taken a bath yet. They didnt rub their noses.
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Hope
New Member
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Post by Hope on Mar 4, 2012 23:08:24 GMT
I think that if you did smell you would have experienced alot more bad experiences over the 6 years. such as people holding their noses. Colleagues avoiding you, vague hints. Overhearing comments in public such as what's that smell, glaring, people moving to different seats on public transport or moving away from you, people staring behind them when in a queue.
The important part of your post mentions that you started to worry about your body odor after researching the internet. That all came from you and not from anything anyone said or did in reaction to you. Try focusing on the positive aspects of your day that went well such as the car journey where there were no signs of odor to prove to yourself that you don't need to worry rather than concentrating on negative ambiguous thoughts.
If you haven't tried this already it can be helpful to try breathing exercises if you find yourself getting anxious. Deep breath in and relax your whole body (close your eyes if you are in a place you can do this). Then slowly let your breath out through your mouth. Repeat again.
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Post by luckyhope84 on Mar 5, 2012 14:07:31 GMT
Thank you so much. I thought I was a fellow sufferer but I'm not. I thank god. YOu all are so strong. I would never make fun of any of you.
I just cant believe I tried to kill myself so many times for nothing. Its been a long journey. I was diagnosed with somatic delusions. Thinking I omit a foul odor when I dont. It was such a strong belief of mine I would make up scenarios in my mind.
Its always in the back of my mind to be honest. The thought do I smell. but I guess I have alot of evidence to support that I dont.
I went to martins on sat and it was crowded. A little boy of about 7-10 decided he wanted to play in the line right next to me. I was like go away in my head. Then another family was standing right next to me with their two kids. The man was so close to me that when I was going to leave I nearly bumped into him. He was close enough that I would have stepped on his shoe if I would have taken a step back.
All of this should be enough evidence that I dont smell. but the thought still runs across my mind.
I needed to go to people that really do know what its like to see what they would say. This is not a joke. I will say I am mental and have been in the mental hospital twice because of this. I'm sorry again because I know you have better things to worry about.
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Post by bethemiracle on Mar 5, 2012 19:44:26 GMT
Don't worry. We're all dealing with things in one way or another. You respect our struggles. We respect yours.
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Post by samuelle on Mar 6, 2012 6:10:08 GMT
Luckyhope, I think that your condition is very real as ours is. There is such a thing called bromhidrophobia as opposed to the real bromhidrosis. So there is no reason to downplay what you've been dealing with. In either case, I believe that there is a God who's above our situation.
I haven't experienced what you've had so I don't know how bad it could be, but I pray that you can start to move on now.
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Post by luckyhope84 on Mar 6, 2012 13:17:28 GMT
Thanks alot everyone for understanding. It really has been a struggle for me. I've been in the mental hospital twice and only now am I able to go out but I'm still nervous to sometimes. Even though I've gone out 13 times and let my neice have a sleepover and no comment only love I still think about it.
The what ifs run through my mind and make me depressed. My sister who is very honest said that she wishes I could see what everyone else sees. I have so much going for me and so much potential that I cant see.
At my worst I thought I smelled so bad that I would make peopel throw up or that if I opened my windows everyone would make fun of me. One day I thought they had to fumigate the neighborhood because of me.
This has been going on for 6 yrs. The only thing that seems to help is drinking, and smoking weed.
I'm on meds and see a therapist and psychologist.
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Post by luckyhope on Mar 6, 2012 14:09:58 GMT
I'm going to make this thread my blog. I wish they had blogs here but they dont and I really need somewhere to get my thoughts out.
I thank god that I've had a blessed reception back into the world but I'm still scared. When will the day come when I'm not in fear anymore. I read the things on this forum and I wonder how they got so much confidence. I've never had confidence. How can they work and live normal lives while I stay in my room and it takes a ton of effort to go out.
I know theres nothing wrong with me and its all in my head but it doesnt take the fear away. If only I could find some confidence in myself. To be honest all of my life I just got made fun of by one person. I dont know why I am so sensitive when people seem to generally like me.
I have everything going for me and I just can't see it. I wish I could just forget about this but the only time I can is when I'm drunk. I drink and smoke way too much. I really need to stop and get my life together.
I know god has a purpose for me and he made me perfect. There is nothing wrong with me and I've come a long way from whree I was. I use to be so afraid to leave my room that I would pee in a jar and dump and clean it at night when everyone was sleeping. (i know too honest). But look at where I am now. I've gone out 13 times in 2 wks and they were all pleasurable experiences. I even got checked out. People tend to get in my personal space as well. It pisses me off but it also shows me theres nothing wrong with me. If there was they wouldnt get in my personal space so much when I'm out.
But it never fails I search for something to support that I smell. It could be anything. Someone clearing their throat. Or looking at me even though they arent looking at me in a bad way and its really only men. Anyone else would think hey their looking at me because they think I'm attractive and want to see if I'm interested but not me. I think why are they staring. Do I smell. I need to stop
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Post by luckyhope on Mar 6, 2012 14:49:38 GMT
I forgot something. When I was in the hospital everyone was so nice to me. They wanted to talk to me but I wouldnt talk. I thought I smelled and didnt want to be near anyone. There was one guy. He was in a wheelchair but was cute. He would always try to talk to me. But when he did he would make these weezing noises. It never dawned on me he has asthma. I thought it was because I smelled. But he would always try to talk to me. He would be like hey showty bla bla bla.
There was this one girl names sabrina. She was really sweet to me too. She would always come and talk to me even though I didnt talk back. She would give me books to read too. She was into alot of the same things I was.
There was a couple of nurses that were so sweet. One lady wouldnt have any of my isolation tactics. She would make me go out and eat with everyone else. She would tell me you're too young to be living this way. And Micheal he was a sweetie. He would do the same thing she would.
For some reason people wanted to socialize with me. They would make me talk. I mean MAKE ME... And they would make me be around people, but I stayed there most of the time with my door closed and alone. When I would ask them to use the air freshener in my room they really either wouldnt or they would spray once. I was like what is one spray going to do.
There was one nurse that was mean though. She didnt let me take a shower. She really wanted me to go all day without taking a shower. I talked that day. I was screaming at her and she put me in the hole. Its this other section with this really crazy lady. She was scary. She never took a bath and I could see from the window how people would react to her. They wouldnt go near her. They would stay by the door.
The male nurses were really nice to me too. They would try to talk to me. At night I would come out of my room and talk with them. The people there were so nice I wanted to go back. But couldnt. I really want to be social as you can see. But theres still something holding me back from being me. DAMN THIS SOMATIC DELUSION!!!DAMN IT!!!
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Post by luckyhope84 on Mar 13, 2012 21:52:05 GMT
If there was any day that I would smell it would have been today. It was 80 degrees outside and I was sweating like a pig. But wanted to go to the mall to walk around. We went and no one had any reactions to me. They were smiling talking being cordial.
Me and my mom went to these massage chairs to get a massage from the machine not a real person. We were sitting there for 15 mins. There were kids walking by and everything and no one did a thing. They either werent paying us any mind or smiled and said hi. It was the best experience. I now know I DO NOT SMELL!!!!
It took this experience to solidify it in my mind but I know for a fact I dont smell. Well I smell like anyone else. I need to take a bath once a day and wear deoderant but nothing else. I took a bath over 5 hrs ago and nothing. Not one reaction. One lady rubbed her nose but it was just one lady so it doesnt mean anything to me. Especially because the kids that walked by didnt say a thing and kids are really honest.
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Post by luckyhope on Mar 17, 2012 20:43:29 GMT
I went out to the mall today. It was crowded and I was wearing body splash. I was sure people would react. But they didnt!!!! I went into the store and this guy was so close to me that his shirt was rubbing against my arm. Then I went to bath and body works and the people there were being so nice to me. The customers were all playing me close. Smelling their body splashes and nothing. Not a single thing. This feels great. I really dont think I smell.
I bought some body mists and hand sanitizer. I also went to sephora. Man the sales associate there was SOOOOOOOOOO CLOSE TO ME!!! I was feeling a little awkward. She was all up in my personal space when she was talking to me. She was there for a min helping us, This is a really good feeling.
For all these yrs I thought I smelled and now to find out I dont. I may even smell good. The way people are so close to me all the time. I really think I may smell good. WHo would have thought.
God is good!!!! I tried to kill myself all those times for nothing. NOTHING!!!I can wear mists and splashes again. I font have to worry anymore. SIGH today was a great day. I'm really coming out. I have no words. They really need to put blogs on this site though. I will say that. Because some things are too private to put on other sites.
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Post by luckyhope84 on Mar 19, 2012 21:56:47 GMT
I went over to my sisters house today and i didnt take a bath before I went. Her boyfriends daughter was there. Shes like 2. She drove in the car with us when we went to the store. Then I stayed in my sisters house smoking weed and talking with her my nephew whos 15 her boyfriend and her boyfriends daughter. At one point I felt like I had to take a dump but I just held it in. I thought it would make me smell but it didnt.
They were walking by me and sitting next to me. At one point Jay her boyfriend went to use the bathroom. I was sitting right next to the bathroom and he walked by me. He bent down right between my legs and went to get something he dropped. I was lthinking the whole time OMG!!!!!!!! He's going to smell my lady part but he didnt get up fast or say anything. Then his daughter remember 2 yrs old so shes right at that hight where her standing up is right there too but she went by me and didnt say a thing.
I know what your thinking why is this so important to me? Because that is the smelliest part of a woman. I really thought my smell could fill a room but they were down there near me and they didnt give any reaction.
I had on the same shirt that I had on yesterday and slept in. I also had on some pajama pants and those things dont hold in odor at all.
They kept asking me to go to the park with them because all of their friends are there but I said no. Maybe next time. Her boyfriend wants me to come over tomorrow. I dont know if I will or not.
Oh I forgot to say I went out yesterday too. I had on the new body mists that I bought. We went out to eat then to the grocery store and then to drop my sister off at the jailhouse and back. Got no reactions and I was out 5 hrs. Wearing the same shirt today and still no reactions. I dont think I smell. It still worries me but I dont think I smell.
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Hope
New Member
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Post by Hope on Mar 21, 2012 22:09:37 GMT
Well done on getting the confidence to experiment by not taking baths and staying in the same clothes! I hope each positive experience helps you gain more and more confidence.
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Post by luckyhope on Mar 22, 2012 20:41:08 GMT
Yes Ct I have been doing so well. I'm confronting this delusion head on and I am winning. I couldnt believe I didnt have to take a bath and I was still ok. I havent taken a bath in 2 days and I've been around my family and nothing. I cant believe it. I know its gross to go 2 days without taking a bath but I was just being lazy. I know I smell because I can smell my pits but they arent reacting. Its the weirdest thing.
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