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Post by searching4answers on Oct 2, 2013 12:33:56 GMT
Hi All,
I'm new to this board. For years I have been struggling with being married to a man who smells bad. Not all the time; it's directly related to drinking beer, which he does alot. I have learned to really dislike his drinking due to all the bad side effects (ie. his odor, our disagreements on whether he drinks too much or not, etc.)
I'm tired of fighting about it so I rarely say anything anymore... about the smell or his drinking. But every time I hear the crack of a beer can it drives me nuts. When I tell him how much his drinking bothers me he says he drinks because he enjoys it and he care what anyone else thinks. Because that conversation always ends up in a fight I rarely bring it up anymore.
Is it me? Am I out in left field? Is he right that we shouldn't care what other people think of what we do or how we smell? Should we all live our lives in whatever fashion makes us happy, as long as we're not breaking any laws, and if people around us unconditionally love us they will accept us for exactly how we are? He was not a drinker, nor did he smell, for the first few years we were married. Does "for better or worse" mean I should be accepting his drinking, and resulting body odour, both at home and in public, and learn how to like both those things because they are part of who he is?
Signed, So Confused
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Post by smelly1 on Oct 2, 2013 18:45:16 GMT
Interesting viewpoint. Most of us on this forum are trying everything and anything to stop from smelling whereas it doesn't bother your husband.
In one way, I have to agree with him, he shouldn't care about what other people think of him. However, he should take into account your feelings when he drinks and the affects it has on him.
Personally, I don't think you should accept his behaviour, but that's just my view on it. If he is having a few drinks every night many people would have an issue with that, never mind the odour.
I'm not sure what other advice to give you, it seems that you have talked about it already. Could you maybe suggest to him how alcohol is bad for his overall health, rather than focusing on the odour? I don't like the way that it ends in an argument, rather than discussing it and coming to a solution. I have a feeling, that he's not the kind of guy that is interested in taking care of his health, until it's too late.
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Post by searching4answers on Oct 3, 2013 2:40:24 GMT
You are very correct smelly1. If he has any interest in his health it doesn't show. Often he'll go for days without brushing his teeth or having a shower.
So if he doesn't care what other people think of him, and he's not concerned about his health, then there's really no reason for him to bother being clean and/or pleasant smelling when he leaves the house? This is my confusion. Peer-pressure is the only reason people should practice cleanliness?
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Post by Wrongplace on Oct 3, 2013 6:19:54 GMT
This sounds more like an addiction problem and not a BO Issue...And no, you dont and shouldnt try to accept something that is truly bothering you.But again he has an addiction issue not really a BO problem.You should look else where , maybe some counseling is needed.
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Post by searching4answers on Oct 4, 2013 2:30:40 GMT
Thanks for your thoughts. Sadly I think you're right. Wishing you all the best.
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