Post by maybeoneday51 on Apr 22, 2012 2:25:00 GMT
For the last three weeks I’ve being eating all the food that caused me smell. I over ate them just to test myself; did not know that I was going to get a big sorprise. No smell, other than normal. Red beans, chicken, pork, beers, milk, eggs, cheese... I had them all.
Yesterday I sat in a chair to think, plan ahead, and also to enjoy my happiness. But suddenly, the greatness turned into sadness when I started to think in those thirty one years of suffering and isolation, either one, from society towards me, or vice versa. I though about the humiliations, loneliness, the laughs right in front of my face; and the degradation with which people treat you. Like you’re nothing.
I though about all I could be, give and receive in thirty one years that meant for me being nobody in the middle of nothing. And the worst of all, the items that actually cured me were available in the market long before a got the condition. I just didn’t know what I know now. Tears fell down out of my eyes. Even into the superb feeling that I had inside of me, realized that the lost time is something I can never recover. Time is gone for good. I saw no way out at that time. In my luggage, I keep the needles I was going to use for suicide. Everyone’s got the freedom to use what’s needed, when needed. I`ll keep them any ways, just as a reminder of what I was, and as a proof of how dangerous your mind can reach when you feel desperate.
But now things had changed. Guess I have to live with my past. At least is better than it being the present. Like Forrest Gump said:
“Life’s like a box of chocolate... you never know what you’re going to get.”
Other thing that bothers me is that I was never tested, so I really don’t know if what I had was TMAU; so I’m not able to help others. All I know is that at certain stage I used to smell either like garbage can, or rotten dead animal or any other unpleasant odour, you name it; and I also know that the first symptom, which was kind of mild, begun back in 1981, NY; where I worked as a Data Entry Operator at a commercial bank in Wall Street. First job I had to quit ever, because of that condition. From that time until couple of months ago, I was nothing but a miserable man.
I just wish you all find your cures and stop the suffering that I had until few weeks ago.
Thanks for reading me.
maybeoneday51.
Yesterday I sat in a chair to think, plan ahead, and also to enjoy my happiness. But suddenly, the greatness turned into sadness when I started to think in those thirty one years of suffering and isolation, either one, from society towards me, or vice versa. I though about the humiliations, loneliness, the laughs right in front of my face; and the degradation with which people treat you. Like you’re nothing.
I though about all I could be, give and receive in thirty one years that meant for me being nobody in the middle of nothing. And the worst of all, the items that actually cured me were available in the market long before a got the condition. I just didn’t know what I know now. Tears fell down out of my eyes. Even into the superb feeling that I had inside of me, realized that the lost time is something I can never recover. Time is gone for good. I saw no way out at that time. In my luggage, I keep the needles I was going to use for suicide. Everyone’s got the freedom to use what’s needed, when needed. I`ll keep them any ways, just as a reminder of what I was, and as a proof of how dangerous your mind can reach when you feel desperate.
But now things had changed. Guess I have to live with my past. At least is better than it being the present. Like Forrest Gump said:
“Life’s like a box of chocolate... you never know what you’re going to get.”
Other thing that bothers me is that I was never tested, so I really don’t know if what I had was TMAU; so I’m not able to help others. All I know is that at certain stage I used to smell either like garbage can, or rotten dead animal or any other unpleasant odour, you name it; and I also know that the first symptom, which was kind of mild, begun back in 1981, NY; where I worked as a Data Entry Operator at a commercial bank in Wall Street. First job I had to quit ever, because of that condition. From that time until couple of months ago, I was nothing but a miserable man.
I just wish you all find your cures and stop the suffering that I had until few weeks ago.
Thanks for reading me.
maybeoneday51.
