I think my boyfriend might have a problem

[cupcake]

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this board so I hope I'm posting this in the correct place.
I apologize if this is a little bit rambly as a post, but I'm getting quite distressed by the situation and am quite upset.

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and love him very much, and he makes me very happy. Before we started going out, when we were just friends, I sometimes noticed that he had body odour, but I put it down to him being stressed by exams at the time. I started going out with him and as I spent more time with him (when he had nothing to be stressed out by) I realised that he actually had body odour nearly every time I met up with him. As we got closer I casually made comments about having a shower- very subtle ones, for example, if I had just been in the shower I would shout 'The shower is free!" just to try and prompt him into having one even if he hadnt been thinking about it, or to let him know that I expected him to have one at that point.

This stopped working after a while, and even when it did work I realised that his body odour would come back almost immediately after he had had the shower.

I have confronted him properly once about the problem- he went to cuddle me in bed and I pulled away because the smell was so bad- he asked why I didn't hug him, and I explained to him. He came up with lots of excuses about how it was because he hadn't had a shower since that morning (which was a lie, it was a couple of days since he had last had one) and that it was because we'd just had sex (irrelevant because he had the same smell before we had sex)

I constantly go round his flat finding every t-shirt I can, sniffing them all and immediately washing those that smell so that he doesn't have a chance to wear them when he's near his friends or workmates, because I don't want them to dislike him for it, although I'm sure they must have already noticed.

Recently when I tell him to have a shower he says 'I'll have one tonight' or 'I already had one today' which leaves me a bit stuck, and with him smelling badly.

(I hope nobody is offended by the next part)

I suggested that we took a shower together and washed each other, so we did, and I really tried to wash under his arms well but he kept saying it tickled so I didn't manage to do it as well as I would have washed myself. Times when we've showered together since, I've noticed that he barely touches his armpits when he washes, so I guess the bacteria causing the smell never get moved.

Here is my problem at the moment-

I don't know whether

-He doesn't realize that he has this odour

-He doesn't realize that he has body odour and doesn't wash his armpits properly and this is why he smells

-He does realize but doesn't care (I don't know why he wouldn't care, he's a perfectly ordinary sociable person)

-Or if he is secretly battling against the odour and has got to a point where he has practically given up because he can never get rid of it- that it might be some sort of medical problem (he's not the sort of person who shares his problems)

So I'm not really sure how to proceed. I am quite an emotional person and would find it difficult to confront him about something like this- I'd probably end up crying and that wouldn't be very constructive.

If he does indeed have some sort of medical problem then I don't understand why he's not telling me- I have something called Sjogren's Syndrome which causes me to have extremely and painfully dry eyes, nose and mouth in the morning, which means I have bad breath in the mornings because of the terrible dryness. He knows that I have this syndrome which makes me wonder why he doesn't open up to me about him being possibly worried about his odour problem.

I'm sorry for the rambling and hope this makes sense. I just really need someone to talk to because this is really affecting my own mental health because I spend so much time agonizing about what to do- I love him so much and I don't want something so trivial to ruin our relationship- sometimes I can't bear to hug him it's so bad. I know that one of his ex girlfriends was aware of this problem but too shy to confront him about it, as is his best friend and one of our mutual best friends.

Thanks in advance.

[flyflyfly]

Get him to shave his pits, and put on deodorant.

This works for people who are not suffering from TMAU.

[samuelle]

Hi cupcake

I understand how you're feeling. I'm a brom sufferer and no matter how hard i try to clean my armpits, shave, put on deo, the smell always comes back a few hours after showering. And i dont sweat excessively. Based on your story, my opinion is that your bf may have a hygiene problem, with aversion to regular showering or maybe just being lazy to go to the bathroom. No offense meant but some people are.
Your theory # 4 still doesnt give him an excuse not to clean himself esp his armpits as even normal people (those that dont smell) still make an effort to shower at least once a day. I know of someone who only showered once a week and he always reeked for a few years but since changing his attitude and make it a point to shower once at least every other day (not even everyday) he doesnt smell anymore.

[samuelle]

Oh i forgot to mention that there are some people who love natural body odor, even if it may be offensive to most people, they just dont care. I read somewhere that there are prominent people like King Henry or Alexander the Great in history who only showered 1-3 times in their lifetime (not sure about the details but you can google it) and i was shocked at comments posted below it. Some people asserted that b.o. is attractive as King Henry who instructed her mistress not to shower as he'd be visiting her. Dont know if your bf has that mindset.

[doobia]

Hi Cupcake,

you are doing great by being ready to help. All he needs is your help and thank God you are doing exactly that. It is very possible that he is not aware that he has body odor problem. I have two friends who have this problem without being aware. You can help draw his attention to it by first introducing this and MEBO Research sites to him. When he is educated on body odor issues and you talk about having regular showers he will then be in a better position to grasp what you are trying to insinuate.

Never give up. Help him today and he will be your helper tomorrow.

All the best!

[jo hanson]

this reminds me so much of an Ex and how she never said anything to me either and left me oblivious to my stink . In hindsight i see the many tiny hints she would throw out . If i'd had known I would have told her "uh.. why don't you just tell me ?" .

It should be obvious that men and women do not think the same . If your BF has even an inkling that he smells , I'll bet he may be waiting for you to get the guts to be honest and simply say it . If he knows he smells, I assure you that he can Not smell himself ,at least not to the extent that you and others can .

If you are looking for how to say it , how to tell your BF , you should think about it like anything else in your relationship . Be up front with your wants and needs. You want him to shower better? Say so and say why . Sometimes the longer you go without saying something ,the more you build it up to be impossible to say . Just tell him , He can take it . Believe me .

[Jenna]

I have b.o. and bad breath and so does my boyfriend, except my odor/breath fills entire areas and entire rooms and my boyfriend's doesn't but I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!

My boyfriend also smells and has bad, stinky poop breath.
His breath is so bad that when he kisses me I can taste his nasty poop breath in the back of my mouth, yuk

Anyways, I also can't bring myself to tell him he smells.
IN FACT, HE'S the one who tells ME TO SHOWER. Its outrageous!
Everytime I see his teeth, his teeth have tartar on them or tartar on thr gums.
I found his deodorant in his car and I sniffed it and it smelled like pure armpits!
Lol, he isn't even a nice guy.
He has recently shown me that he has anger problems and is a jealous guy.

So why am I with him?
Because I'm a lonely person, and having a boyfriend who takes me out is really nice.

I just wish he would accept me for who I am.
But since he can't be clean or accept that I have a B.O. problem I'm going to break up with him.

I rather be alone than be with a guy who STINKS and can't understand that I also stink. Seriously men are the worst..

Anyways, sorry for the rant.
If I was you I would be UPFRONT with him and say

"Honey, I have noticed a bad body odor coming from you all the time. We need to find a way to fix it because it could be a medical problem and also its begining to bother not just me but mutual friend(s)"......................

Before I leave my boyfriend I'm going to tell him he smells.
He needs to know.
His car also stinks.
He needs to know about that too lol..
Anyways I rest my case.

Goodluck

[maquin3]

Yeah.... All I can say is.... I had this underarm/groin bo since 12 years old. I am now 56 and still have it. I was pretty blessed I guess.... I was able to withstand the butt jokes, some very hurtful ones... and moved on. I was able to hold a job until May 2011. But have to quit because of the comments I get and reactions I get from my co workers. I am married, kids grown up and moved on. Just thankful that none of my kids have it as bad as I do....

I am a pretty clean person. But even after showering, the armpit smell starts within 3 minutes of patting miself dry....

I stay mostly at home. I am honest with mi wife about it. She keeps saying, she does not smell me. Maybe because I am relax when I am with her. However, as soon as I get out of the house, my anxiety begins because of my constantly being conscious about my bo condition.

Mi life is not normal..... I live it 1 day, sometimes, one moment at a time......

[hc219]

I also suffered from odor for many years, and i think i have many things to say ...but i dont know how to write it...i feel lonely and scared every day

[Mark]

So, what happened to OP and her story?
What happened to this forum and ones like it? I used to follow the MSN Body Odour group, the interim vbulletin that Arun moved it to, and now this one. There are virtually nobody on, and if there's someone on, nobody posts anything.

[Sara]

quit bitching holy crap

[Smelly1]

Well Mark, the only way to get more posters on this forum is to become more active! Keep posting! New members that stumble upon this site probably think the same thing as you and so don't bother posting! Maybe we could all learn from each other if we ourselves kept this site active!

[Davids]

This blog www.getoffootodor.blogspot.com describe all about foot odor. I think it helpful blog who has foot odor.
how to get rid of foot odor.

[AJ STINKY PITS]

Hello one and all.
I am a girl, not a Dr and my armpits stink. Some of these potions and work for guys too.

Some ideas I have found on the net and tried. They don't all work all the time.

1. My PH is very high. Try going to the pharmacy, get the acid test trips and test yourself to track your acid levels ongoing.

2. Thus, we go onto your diet. This is the challenging part for everyone.
-No Coffee
-No Citrus
-No junk food
-Greatly reduce natural Sugar and artificial sugar…fruit and rice breaks down into sugar
-Soda

All in all look up the foods that acidic, sugary, fried…

Be careful about drinking smoothies, juicing…The is so many acidic fruits and vegetable. Also the quantity is always too much.

3. Drink crazy amounts of water, until you think you can't drink any more. Dehydration may be a reason that the body cannot expel your toxin and cleanse your systems.

4. Girls, if you keep track, you might notice that the smell is worse during your menstrual cycle. You may count the number of days coming in and going out.

5. Cleansing under your armpits is individual. I have tried, mouth wash, alcohol, ail polish remover. I know people say use vinegar and I say that will give you stinky pickles. BE CAREFUL BECAUSE THESE POTIONS MAY REMOVE THE COLOR UDER THE ARM FROM YOUR CLOSE.

7. When I had cancer my skin was the devil himself. So my dermatologist prescribed a skin wash. Triaz (benzoyl peroxide) 6% low foaming. This is very EXPENSIVE.
sorta like tooth paste. Interestingly enough I washed it under my arm pits and the smell went away. Mine has lasted so long because I would only use it directly where I needed. Always remember that fabric may bleach the cloth.

8. Last but not least, I use mitchum deodorant. This is the only deodorant I can used that does the job.Ladies, use the men's version and their is no scent version.

9. Swim for the chorine, run/walk to expel the water, take saunas. get massage any thing that expels the toxins.

You have to be consistent and selective. You have to doe all the suggestions for you to get a result.

[Suzanne]

My boyfriend and I use Lavilin and we both love it. Lavilin is an effective and reputable all-natural deodorant that kills odors for up to 7 days per application. This is their website: www.lavilin.com.