Post by possiblehelp on Dec 25, 2019 9:43:02 GMT
We are all in this thing together. One thing that connects us all is that we all suffer from this strange thing that tempts us to hate ourselves. We look out while at the local mall or theatre and see others laughing, being able to socialize or having a true romantic relationship. Many of us are struggling thinking "why can't I have that? Why does this have to happen to me? Why can't I be normal and loved and well-liked like the others?". It's hard not to feel a little resentful but we march on down the street and shrug our emotions off... We're used to that kinda thing. In a world where rejection is all we knew we had to learn early on not to feel because our emotions is where the true damage come from. You see because with TMAU people forget that you're human too just like them and we have emotions too and we hurt and feel and we cry! With this disorder we get to witness the ugliest side of the human psyche on a daily basis and be judged and mocked and laughed at. How much pain can the human heart take? What is our purpose? What are we here to do? What are we even here for? This world has taught us we have no value or purpose and that we mean nothing. More than anything, what I wanted most was to feel loved... Well this illness made it hard to get that. I am made you feel like I'm not beautiful in any way shape or form. In this life I am made to feel ugly and not desired or valuable. While others get to feel loved by so many and appreciated and they get to see everyday that they are important and others have respect for them. If only I could have that, I would feel empowered. I think to myself sometimes that if I had all those things I would be confident and feel good enough. I am made to feel invisible but so visible that they laugh. Many days wanting to cry, many days wanting to stay alseep all day long because to wake up is to awaken to the nightmare. Maybe I cannot love others in this life? Who's gonna really truly love me when they find out that I suffer from this? Do I really have to confess the worst things about myself in this life and be exposed to constant humiliation? All I wanted to was to feel important. Is that so bad?? Does that really make me a bad person? Who doesn't want to feel like they have value? I've watched many live their lives and surpass me in life which after a while hurts when you know your struggling to make money and keep a job because at work they come up with excuses to find a way to get you fired.