Post by sameas on Sept 11, 2018 5:28:22 GMT
I am older (42) and have been dealing with this for years. It's really quite simple. I have had bo and people have reacted to it. At the same time, it is not simple. My emotional reaction to this has been hell. I do practice mindfulness, etc. The harassment is so relentless, persistent, unending that I feel out of my mind. I do have some joy from the mindfulness though.
I have isolated myself. I no longer even try to maintain relationships with relatives (except my mom and uncle). I don't speak to other relatives if they speak to me. I just can't deal. I won't explain the obvious reason I stay home most of the time. As if they don't know. As if they don't laugh and express disgust. As soon as I do the slightest thing to "offend" them, they know just where to strike and don't hesitate. my mom does the same but I just ignore her.
People are just as insecure as I am. I have learned that they are easily offended (not referring to bo but just get their egos hurt). And they would love it if they had something on everyone they deal with. And hurrah they do have something on me. They can't wait til I step out of line.
Besides I am obviously poor. I haven't bought new clothes in years. I can't afford new eyeglasses. The ones I have are peeling and I think people can tell. They are already laughing, so hmph. Whatever. I quit a job with the state, in my career field due to fear that I would soon snap and end up on the news. I thought I'd find a way to work from home but I am barely getting by due to living in a rural area where the internet speed is too slow for phone work.
I even tried to not go to the dentist due to being broke. My tooth had chipped then my mouth was smelling like a mouse died in it. Even I was like, yuck. OMG That, of course, was the perfect time for my mom to get sick and I was forced to be around relatives with a new worse smell. Finally went to the dentist though.
I swear, it's like something loves humiliating me smell-wise. I have had delusions of being so smell free that I could walk through the park and still not stink. Then I'd have a rude awakening of no ma'am, you still stink. I've freaked out wearing loads of "good smelling" sprays all at once. I couldn't help it. I knew it was probably not a good idea but I just couldn't help it. I've lost my mind several times in this fashion. It makes me feel so scared. Then at home I've said I'm known to stink why bathe? Why bother?
I think they'll crowd around my grave once I'm dead and scream uggh, yuck, freak, etc. I feel silly with weariness. But it's not cute because I stink.
Trying to learn python (programming). Hoping I can find a remote position by luck. I laugh at myself for trying but I keep trying. Now theirs ageism to worry about on top of other job limitations.
Egads.
I don't even know why I'm typing this. A rant. I know it won't change, it is what it is. LOL.
I have isolated myself. I no longer even try to maintain relationships with relatives (except my mom and uncle). I don't speak to other relatives if they speak to me. I just can't deal. I won't explain the obvious reason I stay home most of the time. As if they don't know. As if they don't laugh and express disgust. As soon as I do the slightest thing to "offend" them, they know just where to strike and don't hesitate. my mom does the same but I just ignore her.
People are just as insecure as I am. I have learned that they are easily offended (not referring to bo but just get their egos hurt). And they would love it if they had something on everyone they deal with. And hurrah they do have something on me. They can't wait til I step out of line.
Besides I am obviously poor. I haven't bought new clothes in years. I can't afford new eyeglasses. The ones I have are peeling and I think people can tell. They are already laughing, so hmph. Whatever. I quit a job with the state, in my career field due to fear that I would soon snap and end up on the news. I thought I'd find a way to work from home but I am barely getting by due to living in a rural area where the internet speed is too slow for phone work.
I even tried to not go to the dentist due to being broke. My tooth had chipped then my mouth was smelling like a mouse died in it. Even I was like, yuck. OMG That, of course, was the perfect time for my mom to get sick and I was forced to be around relatives with a new worse smell. Finally went to the dentist though.
I swear, it's like something loves humiliating me smell-wise. I have had delusions of being so smell free that I could walk through the park and still not stink. Then I'd have a rude awakening of no ma'am, you still stink. I've freaked out wearing loads of "good smelling" sprays all at once. I couldn't help it. I knew it was probably not a good idea but I just couldn't help it. I've lost my mind several times in this fashion. It makes me feel so scared. Then at home I've said I'm known to stink why bathe? Why bother?
I think they'll crowd around my grave once I'm dead and scream uggh, yuck, freak, etc. I feel silly with weariness. But it's not cute because I stink.
Trying to learn python (programming). Hoping I can find a remote position by luck. I laugh at myself for trying but I keep trying. Now theirs ageism to worry about on top of other job limitations.
Egads.
I don't even know why I'm typing this. A rant. I know it won't change, it is what it is. LOL.